I recently listened to a podcast that spun my life upside down. It was the “Sober Curious: A New Way to Think About Our Relationship with Alcohol with Ruby Warrington” episode of the Almost 30 Podcast. I’ll say right now that this isn’t a post about how I’ve stopped enjoying craft cocktails and wine–I haven’t–but this podcast made me really think about what I use to escape my world for a bit.
I have always felt things BIG. My feelings can get in the way, although I try not to let that show to people who I’m not close with. My mind is constantly racing and can take one off-hand comment that wasn’t meant to be hurtful and spirraaaalllll on it for far too long. This is one of my least favorite parts of myself—my inability to not take it personally. It’s always personal for me (which really should push me to tread more lightly with my own words).
That being said, my own mind can scare me at times. It’s hard to reign in my thoughts or not escape to a fantasized version of my own past in slow moments. Quiet time is a dangerous thing in my head.
In the podcast I referenced above about being sober curious (a strange term, in my opinion), the hosts and their guest were discussing how we use substances, like alcohol, to escape our lives for a bit. One of the hosts talked a lot about escaping your body and how that’s the easier choice. What’s difficult is to stay right here in your body, with your mind turned on fully, and face everything head on.
That profoundly resonated with me.
I lifted up that idea and let my mind run with it, pointing out all the ways that I push off my feelings and thoughts regularly. For me, I use media as a crutch. I go almost nowhere in my home without something playing in the background. It’s almost always a beloved TV show I’ve seen a bunch of times like Friends, Jane the Virgin, New Girl, the Office, etc. That way, if my mind starts to wander, it lands safely in the comfort of the casts of those shows. Happily distracted and put off for a while longer.
That is the easy choice. Writing or having quiet time with myself would be smart ways for me to stick with those feelings and see them out. I don’t let my mind work through things and feel big feelings out of a fear that it might be too hard, too messy, too…much.
Honestly, that’s cowardly and doesn’t give myself enough credit. I can do hard things. I just have to sit with the feeling of discomfort and stay right here my body. Make the choice to stay connected to everything that life/God throws at me knowing that if I let myself, I can take on anything—and so can you!
What are you using to put off the real stuff? What’s your distraction? The first step is recognizing it.
This post is part of a monthly series focused on Self Discovery and Self Care. To keep up, follow @behindourreddoor on Instagram and check out the story highlight called “self care.” #SelfCareSeptember #SelfDiscoverySeptember