There’s this idea held by some that therapy is for the weak, the vulnerable, or the overly-sensitive individuals who can’t accept that life is hard. [insert collective sigh] The stigma of having a mental health illness has been shamed and looked down upon throughout history, and only recently have people started to publicly be comfortable with the idea that seeing a therapist could help them feel better.
(it’s so much more common than you think.)
I love that therapy is even considered cool nowadays. Remember when our parent’s generation would whisper the secret of attending therapy to hide their embarrassment? Now, we can’t hear them over the millennials and Gen Z-ers shouting therapy quotes and sharing the coping skills they use to process and work through their emotions.
Accepting that something is wrong and having the courage to fix it sounds pretty freaking strong to me. Take it from Brené Brown, the pioneer who studies shame and has empowered the world to redefine vulnerability. Anyone who has read one of her books has gained an understanding that being vulnerable is one of the most challenging and rewarding characteristics you can have. In fact, allowing yourself to take chances and acknowledge the range of both pleasant and unpleasant feelings as a human you experience is brave. And the great thing about therapy is that anyone, literally anyone, can participate—talk about inclusivity!
Lacking mental illness is not the same as maintaining your mental health.
Do I need to repeat it for those in the back? Everyone has something they can work to improve on in their life, and that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them. Spending time exploring yourself and how you became the person you are today could change your life in so many ways: communication, emotional regulation, social skills, relationships, decision making, conflict resolution, and so much more.
Understanding who you are can help you become closer to the person you want to be. Identifying goals and having the confidence to work toward them will instill hope and motivation in so many areas of your life. Setting boundaries and participating in self care encourages positive feelings and relationships, and helps to maintain success. Don’t get me started on the value of one full hour of a listening ear’s undivided attention! If your concern is that your problems don’t seem big enough to schedule therapy, reconsider comparing your experiences with others. If you want time to address your concerns, a therapist is ready to listen.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a therapist that is the right fit for you. What do I mean by right fit? Think about what you hope to get out of therapy. Do you need someone who will make you laugh? That therapeutic approach may look a lot different than someone trying not to influence your thoughts or feelings by experiencing any level of transference. Be sure to tell the therapist you are considering to work with what your goals are, and how you see this relationship as helpful. A good therapist won’t give any advice, but will give you the space you need to process whatever is going on. If one relationship doesn’t work, try someone new. The least helpful therapist is one who you don’t trust and respect.
Therapy is a great form of self care, as you are prioritizing your health and happiness. Self care is not just slapping on a face mask and calling it good. Self care is pausing to smell the wet grass after a Midwest thunderstorm. Self care is attending therapy just for one hour to have the focus on you and not your job, kids, partner, or any other responsibility. Self care is choosing not to argue with people who are committed to misunderstanding you. Self care is cleaning the blood and dirt off of your feet as you train for the marathon you’ve been training for. Self care is moving in with your parents to build financial stability in an unstable economy. Self care is saying no to your best friend because they want you to do something you know is not right for you. Self care is discussing politics and feeling safe within your community to do so. Self care is looking at memes and makeup tutorials for a lengthy amount of time. Self care is allowing yourself to feel and not avoid nasty feelings. Do you get where I’m going with this?
Doing what is best for you is not always going to be simple; it will likely get messy before it gets better. Humans are messy, but we all know that cleaning up messes when they are small feels more manageable than after they grow into monster problems we want to avoid. So, do yourself a favor—talk to someone before you desperately need to. Find a support network and group that you identify with and feel comfortable. If you need a recommendation, look to the people you trust. 45 million individuals participate in therapy, so there is a strong, strong chance that someone you know can refer you to someone they recommend. Whether it is an in-person or electronic session, in the end you will know what is best for you!
Rachel Swanson is a licensed mental health therapist in Des Moines, IA. She graduated with a masters in counseling psychology from the University of Kansas. She is currently working with children and families at Youth Homes of Mid-America in Johnston. For self care, Rachel enjoys going on walks, pug-spotting at the farmer’s market, and reads at local coffee shops. She has been Anna’s hype girl since the fall of 2011.
This post is part of a monthly series focused on Self Discovery and Self Care. To keep up, follow @behindourreddoor on Instagram and check out the story highlight called “self care.” #SelfCareSeptember #SelfDiscoverySeptember